Be Brave

Do you ever feel like there is something missing and you don't know what that is? You just feel it. Feel it in your chest. Like someone hammered it to pieces, put them back together, but a piece is still missing. I don't know how I feel and I don't know what to do. I want to talk to someone, but I don't want to.

I'm tired. I smile when I feel sad. I laugh when all I ever wanted to do was cry. The fact that I just couldn't show what and how I truly feel kills me inside. I want to shout into the void how I have always hated my life and how I always wanted to die.

It's hard to have people around who seem to not care. Oh no! They do not seem to care because THEY DON'T REALLY CARE! Maybe they do, but they do only because of the fringe benefit they might get. Do you know how it feels to wake up loved and cared and grew up unloved and uncared for?

Have you ever been criticized over the smallest of things? Have you ever been humiliated in public?
Have you ever been made to believe a promise which was eventually broken? Have you ever been physically, emotionally, and mentally hurt by your parents? Have you ever been bullied by your siblings?

I am so sick and tired to have friends who secretly hate me. I am so tired to have people around who criticizes me. I hate the feeling that EVERYBODY HATES ME.

I'm tired wishing and dreaming that this life is a nightmare and sooner or later I'll wake up with a kiss from my prince. I'm tired being a puppet having my arms and legs, my hand and feet tied in a string, pulled, maneuvered, and controlled by people.

I don't understand what I did to deserve all this. I don't get it why I am being punished.  How I wish, I don't exist. I wish I could turn  back time and I wish that my parents never did what they did to have my mother conceive me. I wish I have never been born.

I wish I have never existed in this crazy, awful, and deceitful world, surrounded by the graves of millions of people who also wished to just die than suffer for so long.

To all parents out there, think first; Think first all the things that need to be considered before you make the move, because a life without proper planning always end up in long sufferings. If you truly love your children, don't let them suffer.

If only I am brave enough to do it, I would have already hung myself, but I couldn't. Damn! I just want to die. How I wish I'd  be in a hostile environment and a car accident, have a fatal disease, struck by lightning, be poisoned,and all sorts of things that will deliver me to death. How I wish I could murder myself. kills myself. Die. Live in peace. Be happy and enjoy liberty.

Then there came a time when I felt like everything was too much already. I could no longer curb the pain I feel so I took a razor-edged knife and felt it. It was so sharp that it cut my flesh, blood splattered, and inked the floor with red ink. I was apt to plunge the knife on my chest and pierce my heart.

I was so ready to end all the pain I feel inside when I realized that what I was doing was an act of pure stupidity and cowardice. To run away from life is stupid. To not face my problems and challenges is cowardice. And if I won't stop myself from being sucked down into the abyss of stupidity and cowardice, nothing will ever change.